Yes Yes, I Do
by William Easley
Summary: August 31, 2017. Dipper and Mabel are eighteen! And Wendy and Dipper are ready to take the big step! Of course, there might be one or two little stumbling blocks, but, hey - it's just a normal day for Gravity Falls.
1. Chapter 1

_I do not own the show GRAVITY FALLS or any of the characters; both are the property of the Walt Disney Company and of Alex Hirsch. I make no money from these stories but write just for fun and in the hope that other fans enjoy reading them. I will ask, please, do not copy my stories elsewhere on the Internet. I work hard on these, and they mean a lot to me. Thank you._

* * *

**Yes. Yes, I Do**

**(August 31, 2017)**

* * *

**1: Parental Advice**

9:00 AM: The Pines family sat in Grunkle Stan's living room. On the coffee table lay a scatter of photos and memorabilia and four of Mabel's scrapbooks. Dipper and Mabel had been talking for the best part of an hour. When they had finished, Alex and Wanda Pines stared at each other, and then stared at the twins.

"Is—is all this true?" Mrs. Pines asked of the whole room. She looked stunned and a bit appalled.

Grunkle Ford—if anyone could reassure her, it was Grunkle Ford—said in his warmest tones, "Yes, Wanda, I assure you and Alex that every word you just heard is true. You've seen a little of the strangeness of Gravity Falls. The Gnomes, a Manotaur, I believe, and Stanley says you once glimpsed a Pteranodon."

"I thought it was a big kite," Wanda murmured "Something that huge could have snatched them right up—"

"Nah," Stan said with a grin. "They're big, but those dinos can't hold up anything as heavy as a human being for very long. Pig, maybe. They're only a nuisance."

"We're used to them, really," Lorena said. "If you keep your pets inside during twilight, there's nothing to worry about."

Sheila added, "And if they get out of hand, we can deal with them. In California, hey, you have to worry about earthquakes!"

"But actual living dinosaurs—if we'd known this back then—" Wanda began.

Her husband squeezed her hand. "We would have let you come up when you were ten, not twelve! You've had so many adventures—it's wonderful!" He was absolutely beaming. Well—he was a Pines by birth, not by marriage, Dipper reflected.

"And we saved he world!" Mabel said. "No kidding. All of us together, Grunkle Stan, Grunkle Ford, Wendy, Soos, Dipper a little, and of course me. Mabel."

This time Wanda's lips moved, but she couldn't even form the question.

"Come on," Stan urged. "Don't you think I could be trusted to take care of these knuckleheads? Although from time to time, I gotta admit, they took care of me!"

"Very true," Ford said. "And Mabel is correct. Together we defeated something—well, you couldn't even imagine it, but it was a potential disaster of cataclysmic proportions."

"Now, I've got to say—" Wanda began.

"Mom," Dipper said quietly but with great confidence, "thanks, but in this case, we're the ones giving the advice. Now that it's our birthday, Mabel and I agreed it was time you learned everything."

"Thanks, son," his dad said. "We appreciate that. And if we seem a little surprised, well, don't let that bother you. We're really proud of you both."

Mrs. Pines seemed to take her husband's cue and even smiled, though it was sort of a sickish smile. "Oh, well—I—I'm really glad that they're going off to college and getting away from—I mean—unless—Uncle Ford that college isn't as, um—"

"As weird as this town, you mean? No. It's not at all strange," Ford said, smiling. "You have to understand that some places on Earth just attract weirdness. Gravity Falls has one of the strongest weirdness magnets anywhere. The next strongest may be in Indiana. Of course, I'm told that a certain section of Transylvania might be the Falls' equal."

"But people_ live _in all of those places," Stan said. "They get along. They cope. And Gravity Falls is a real nice town, if you don't mind the odd talkin' mouse or zombie shuffling around."

"Zombie?" squeaked Mrs. Pines.

"Pfbbt! They're not a problem," Mabel said. Dipper, me, and Grunkle Stan can make their heads explode just by singing harmony."

"I believe you, Sweetie," her dad said.

Dipper shrugged. "Well, there it is, Mom and Dad. Mabel and I wanted you to know everything. We're tired of keeping it all such a big secret."

"Yeah," Mabel said, speaking mostly to their father. "But we're eighteen now, so we're not asking your permission, but just telling you. We're gonna come back here to work in the Shack every summer while we're in college. And we want you guys to visit here on Thanksgiving so the whole family can be together. And in December, Dipper and Wendy are gonna have their _real_ wedding—"

"Hey," Dipper objected.

"—well, their_ church_ service, anyway, here in town, and you gotta be here to give Dipper away—"

"Doesn't work that way, Sis."

"Whatever, Brobro! To be the father and mother of the groom, then."

When Wanda still looked stressed, Stanley said, "I guarantee their safety. And yours. You just gotta get used to the place, is all."

"My brother is right," Ford said. "This whole Valley is worthy of deep study. Its mysteries have only begun to be explored. And I know Mason and Mabel well enough to assure you that if they run across any supernatural threats, yes, there is danger. For the supernatural threats, that is. Together these two can do anything."

"I wouldn't have gone out for track in high school if it hadn't been for Wendy," Dipper said. "I wanted to be worthy of her. Meeting her here and getting to know her was the best thing that ever happened to me."

"And the reason I got to be good in art," Mabel said, "was that I got so much practice drawing pictures of all the wonderful things we met here."

A small voice cleared its throat. "Could I add something?"

Everyone looked around in surprise, and then looked down, still in surprise. Jeff the Gnome stood there, just inside the doorway. Gnomes can be as silent as ghosts when they want to be, and no one, not even Ford, knows how they can slip into rooms that have no visible means of entry.

Stan chuckled. "Alex, Wanda, you've seen this little guy before. I don't know if you've been formally introduced, though. This here is Jeff. He's the President of the Gravity Falls Gnomes."

"Prime Minister," Jeff corrected, holding his forefinger in the air. "Our government doesn't have a president."

"Yeah, well, you're better off that way," Stan said. "Anyhow, you know this is Dipper's and Mabel's mom and dad, Wanda and Alex. Welcome, by the way, just make yourself at home. That's not an invitation to live here. What did you want to tell them?"

Jeff took off his conical red cap, looking like a third-grader suddenly called up in front of the class to explain the Pythagorean Theorem. "Well—all right, when we Gnomes first met Mabel, we liked her a lot, first blow off the mallet. We even thought she'd be a great Queen—we were ruled by Queens back then. But—well, long story brief, she just blew us away. In the years since then, and this is no lie, my people would have died out if not for Mabel and Dipper. No, really. But they helped us out in so many ways—gave us a way to earn food for the cold months, gave us a way to make homes to keep the frost out, and we—we owe these two everything. On behalf of the creatures of Gravity Falls—don't be mad at Mabel and Dipper, please. Be proud of them." He fished out a handkerchief—a human one, he could have used it as a sheet—and honked his nose. Then he bowed, put his cap on, and vanished.

"Toldja," Stan said. "Nobody invited Jeff, that's on his own hook, but what he said is a hundred per cent probably true. Magic creatures, yeah, we got 'em. Except they're not so different from you and me. And Jeff's right. My opinion, the summer they first came up, this town was on the edge of goin' completely nuts. These two—we call 'em the Mystery Twins—investigated all kindsa things most people were scared of. More often than not, they made friends with the monsters and the monsters turned out to be just people inside. I dunno about the world, but Dip and Mabel made Gravity Falls a better place."

"Gravity Falls has become part of our lives," Dipper said.

"And we've become part of Gravity Falls! Hey-O!" Mabel added.

"Well," Alex said, his voice calm and his expression pleased. "Thank you both for telling us these things. This is a lot to think about, but if you're asking our—"

Dipper saw the word _permission_ forming on his mother's lips—

"—our_ blessing_," Alex said firmly, "why, of course you've got it."

For a moment, Wanda Pines sat stiffly, but then she nodded and smiled.

"Thanks, Dad. Mom," Dipper said. "I'm glad you understand."

Wanda held out her hands and her children came to her. "You think you're so special," she teased, shaking her head. "Very well. We'll surprise you. We'll get used to all this quicker than you think. Alex—do you think I should tell them the whole thing?"

"Mm, today's going to be busy," Alex said. "Maybe at Thanksgiving."

"Yes. That will be better."

"Tell us what?" Mabel asked.

Wanda touched her daughter's cheek. "Nothing much. Just a story from when Alex and I were in college. We had to work together once to do something very, very difficult."

"What?" Mabel asked. "Tell us now!"

"Later," Wanda insisted firmly. "It's a long story—the tale of how Alex and I had to fight off Bloody Mary!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Yes. Yes, I Do**

**(August 31, 2017)**

* * *

**2: Wedding Trip!**

9:50 AM: The talk with Mr. and Mrs. Pines had gone on longer than Dipper had anticipated. At last they reached a point of agreement, though, and Dipper and Mabel walked back to the Shack.

"How'd it go?" Wendy asked as they walked in.

"Well, we're in one piece," Mabel said cheerfully. "Hey, Tripper! Let's go toss some sticks!"

"Don't be late," Dipper warned her. "We'll probably start by like a quarter after."

"Plenty of time!" Mabel said. "I'm gonna drive Soos and Melody over, and Teek will meet us there." She and the dog went outside.

"You ready?" Dipper asked Wendy.

"Yep. Do I look OK?"

"You look fantastic. It's ten to. Let's get a move on."

Despite Dipper's and Wendy's reassurances that they wanted everyone casually dressed and comfortable, Alex and Wanda insisted on dressing up. Well, at least Wanda did. Alex just gave Dipper an apologetic _sorry but what are you gonna do?_ glance. "Meet you there, then," Dipper had said. "Grunkle Stan will drive you over to City Hall."

So, OK, he and his fiancée were dressed the way they wanted—Wendy in ushanka, green plaid flannel shirt, jeans, and comfortable old boots—with mud stains, even—and Dipper in trucker hat, red tee shirt, blue vest, blue cargo shorts, white athletic socks, and blue sneakers. And though they hung around for several minutes, finally they figured they had just enough time to get to City Hall if they left immediately. With luck, Wendy said as they walked out to the Shack parking lot, it would be a quick service, and after they stayed around after the ceremony for a while to talk to the guests, they could, again with luck, get on the road for Crescent City by one PM.

At least it was a beautiful day, clear with just a few scattered harmless cumulus clouds sailing over, the temperature in the mid-seventies. Dipper took a deep breath of the fresh air and heard the familiar drumming of woodpeckers off in the forest. A couple of squirrels were playing in the empty parking lot—leaping and chasing, wrestling with each other—but they scampered up a pine as Dipper and Wendy came close.

"Let me drive?" Dipper asked as they paused at her car.

"Asserting your manhood already?" Wendy asked. "You gonna turn all macho on me today man?"

With a smile, Dipper replied, "No, I'll cheerfully admit you're the better driver, but I'll also admit I feel antsy, and driving will take my mind off it."

Wendy opened the driver's door for Dipper. "Antsy, huh? Not gonna chicken out on me at this late date, are you, dude?"

Dipper grinned. "Never in a million years."

Wendy handed over her keys. "OK. Here you go. Wait until after we're married if you're gonna hit any pedestrians! Maybe the cops would let us share a cell or some deal."

Dipper took the keys, then got behind the steering wheel of Wendy's Green Machine, and he started the engine as, beside him, Wendy fastened her seat belt. Before putting the Dodge Dart in reverse, Dipper advised, "Take your last look at the Shack as a single girl."

"So long, old Shack! Thanks for getting us together," Wendy said, giving the Mystery Shack a goodbye salute.

After backing and turning, carefully, Dipper drove them to town, obeying the speed limit, and at the first intersection, he stopped at a red light, did a double-take, and groaned, "Aw, no!"

"Dude, just roll with it," Wendy said. She shook her head, but she chuckled a little at the bright yellow fabric banner that someone—likely Deputy Durland—had strung up from light pole to light pole at the intersection. In bright red hand-drawn letters, it read, 8/11! CONGRATULATIONS TO DIPPER AND WENDY AND MABEL AND DIPPER. Something that looked like a manhole cover probably was intended to be a drawing of a birthday cake, and two lumpy light bulbs were most probably wedding bells.

But the lettering was the most amateurish thing. The inscription was far too long for the banner, so each word was a little smaller than the one before, and the_ ipper _of the final _Dipper _not only shrank in letter size but also at the end curled upward into a kind of tail. When the light changed to green, Dipper drove under the banner, hunching down and hoping that Soos hadn't scheduled a parade through town or anything.

At least the sidewalks didn't look particularly crowded. Nobody yelled congratulations or made embarrassing jokes at the tops of their voices. Dipper deliberately took the back route to their destination.

Then at a dead end, he made a left turn, drove for one more block, and turned right into the parking lot behind the City Hall—curiously vacant. No cars there at all. An asphalt desert. Wendy muttered, "What in the world?"

"Don't know," Dipper said, but as they got out of the car, they saw why.

With a loud groan, Wendy said "Oh, no, this can't be happening! You gotta be freaking kidding me!"

Because orange traffic cones blocked off the walks to the building's doors, and yellow DO NOT CROSS plastic tape surrounded the whole City Hall. About a dozen identical small white computer-printed notices on aluminum stands had been stuck in the lawn on either side of all the walkways. Dipper leaned over and read aloud, "City Hall will be CLOSED 8/11 to be fumigated for insect infestation." There was a phone number to call for further information. He took out his phone and tapped in the number.

After three rings, a woman who sounded harried and overworked answered: "Gravity Falls Civic Information, this is Lilian, how may I help you?"

"Hi," Dipper said, trying to keep frustration out of his voice. After all, he told himself, this wasn't the lady's fault. Probably. "This is Dip—uh, Mason Pines. My fiancée Wendy Corduroy and I have a ten o'clock appointment to be married at City Hall, but we just found out—"

In an impatiently brusque tone, Lilian cut his explanation short: "Sir, Gravity Falls City Hall will be closed through the weekend because of mandatory pest-control treatment. What was your name again?"

Tamping down his irritation, Dipper repeated the information. "Pines and Corduroy," he heard Lilian mutter. "Let me find you on the calendar. Pines, Corduroy, Pines, Corduroy—ten AM. Yes, all right, I see it here. Hold on and let's fix this. Just a moment. I can re-schedule your appointment for . . . let me see . . . Monday's a holiday . . . nothing on Tuesday . . . I can slot you in on Wednesday at . . . four-fifteen PM."

"We can't do that," Dipper said. "We'll be away at college in California by then. Could a judge just maybe meet us—"

"Just a moment. I have to put you on hold because I have another call."

Dipper took advantage of the pause to tell Wendy what Lilian had said. Wendy rolled her eyes. "Dude, that's crazy! Just random pest control? Don't they have to schedule these things?"

"Don't know, but this lady says—hello? Hello?" Dipper realized the line had gone dead. "I just got cut off. Wait, I'll try something." He hung up and dialed Stan. "Hi, kid," Stan said. "Look, Wanda took a while to fuss over her make-up, we'll be there in—"

"Don't bother," Dipper said. "Looks like it's off. The City Hall is closed because it's being sprayed for bugs or something—"

"What?"

Dipper explained again.

"That sounds nuts to me. You went through the routine, you scheduled the wedding . . .. Hang on," Stan said. "Let me make a couple calls, see if maybe there's something I can do about this, I know some people. Just hang loose."

"We'll come back to the Shack, I guess," Dipper said.

"Naw, just give me about five minutes. I may be able to make arrangements."

As they sat in the car, Wendy said, "Dip, I suppose we could drive out of the Valley and find somebody to do it for us. Really, I think the license is good for anywhere in the state."

"But we've got people coming," Dipper said. "Your dad, my parents and grunkles. Especially Mabel! We'll upset people, and it'll be a big mess."

"So we'll just take off for the college house and, you know, just act like we're married until _next _weekend. Then on Friday afternoon or Saturday we can drive back into Oregon and get married."

"Yeah, but—we got so close! After we held back and waited for years! And Dad will be OK with that idea, but you know your dad and my mom will have a fit."

"Dad's pretty conventional," Wendy said. "But in an emergency like this, he'll come around. And it would be just for a few days. Your mom—"

The phone rang, interrupting them. When Dipper answered it, he heard Stan sighing. "Kid, I tried. The trouble is fire bugs."

In any other town in America, that would mean the City Hall was infested with arsonists. But this was Gravity Falls, where such terms could be much more literal.

"What are fire bugs?" he asked in a dead voice.

"Eh, they're little insects, about the size of ladybugs, but flat and brown and round. They're kinda like termites, I guess, but instead of eatin' wood, they just live inside the walls, or out in the woods they nest in rotting stumps and junk. They're normally pretty harmless, but this is mating season for them."

"Why's that a problem?" Dipper asked.

"Well, like I said, it's mating season, so there's a buttload of 'em swarming, and when they mate, they get so hot that they can char wood, maybe even set it on fire if there's enough of 'em. From what I heard, City Hall's got a bad case, worse than roaches or termites or even swarming bees."

"So they couldn't treat the insects once a month or something?"

"You never know you got 'em until tons of 'em suddenly show up. Even Gnomes won't eat these bugs, so they gotta be fumigated, the old-fashioned way. Don't you remember that time when the Shack had to be sprayed—no, wait, I guess that was a couple years before you and Mabel first came up. OK, you guys don't give up yet, and we'll figure something. I called Dan and Ford. You two just come on back to the Shack, and we'll put our heads together and dope out a plan."

"OK, I guess." Dipper turned off his phone and looked at Wendy. "He wants everybody to get together at the Shack to see if we can make a plan. You feel like driving us back?"

Wendy patted his shoulder. "Yeah, no sweat. Calm down, Dipper. It's not the end of the world, and we'll figure out something Maybe we can stay over and go dig up a judge tomorrow, if nothing else."

"That would cut our honeymoon short," Dipper said. "It's only four and a half days long as it is. I don't want that to happen."

"We've been through lots worse," Wendy said. "We don't give up. We get things done. Hey, maybe Mabel will have an idea."

"God help us!" Dipper said as Wendy started the engine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Yes. Yes, I Do**

**(August 31, 2017)**

* * *

**3: Always Something**

Seeing the Shack parking lot so empty on what ordinarily would have been a busy business day felt distinctly odd—only Helen Wheels and the Stanleymobile in the employees' section, with Soos's and Melody's cars around back. Wendy parked the Green Machine close to the gift-shop entrance, switched off the engine, and for a couple of seconds just sat there behind the wheel.

"Some birthday," Dipper muttered.

"Well," Wendy said, getting out of her Dart and pocketing her keys, "I halfway expected it would be a surprise party. With maybe a judge here. A happy little Mabel trick, you know."

As he closed the passenger door, Dipper said, "I don't think they'd shut down City Hall just to play a prank on us. The whole town would have to be in on something like that."

They went in through the gift shop door, heard voices from the dining room, and checked there. Soos, at the head of the table, looked up and said, "Aw, dudes, I'm so sorry. This is like majorly not so good."

Melody, the most placid person Dipper knew, didn't say anything but looked utterly miserable as she held Soos's hand.

That was bad enough, but when Dipper saw Mabel sitting slumped with her head down on the table, he felt more upset than ever.

Stan, sitting next to Mabel with an untouched mug of coffee in front of him, shook his head. "Here's the skinny," he said. "There are four judges, total, in town. But every da—dang one of them is takin' a long break 'cause of this being Labor Day weekend. I thought—ah, screw it. Guys, I dunno. Maybe you could call your minister, Wendy."

"That's a good idea," Wendy said, sitting at the table. "Mabes, come on, don't take it so hard. We can deal with this, somehow."

"It's just not fair!" Mabel moaned into the table. "We wanted this to be the greatest day ever. And now everything's terrible forever."

Tripper, lying on the floor beside Mabel's chair, looked up at her and whined.

Dipper didn't sit but walked to the door and looked out. The perfect summer day outside didn't cheer him up. Billy and Little Soos were playing out back, tossing a soccer ball back and forth. Little Soos missed and laughing at the top of his lungs, went chasing it across the lawn, accidentally kicking it as he tried to catch up and grab it. Well—anyhow, at least those two weren't unhappy. They were the exceptions.

"Hi," he heard Wendy say from behind him. "Dr. Gaspell, this is Wendy Corduroy. Fine, thanks. I hate to call you on such short notice . . .."

Dipper took out his own phone and called his mom. "We heard," she said before he could even greet her. "We're so sorry."

"Thanks," he said. "This has kind of thrown Wendy and me, Mom. We're up at the Shack now with Grunkle Stan, trying to come up with an alternative."

"What's your plan?" she asked.

_She thinks I'm always the one to come up with a plan! Sorry, Mom. _"I don't know yet," Dipper confessed. "Maybe Wendy's minister will agree to do the service. She's talking to him now. The church is about four miles west of town—"

"Thanks, anyway," he heard Wendy say from behind him. "We'll be in touch after you get home again. Bye."

"Hang on just a second," Dipper said. He turned and asked Wendy, "What did he say?"

She gave him a sad smile and shook her head. "Dr. Gaspell can't do it, Dip. He and his wife are up in Seattle for a conference of the AUM that runs through Saturday morning, and I can't ask him to come all the way back. Sorry."

Grunting, Dipper said to his mom, "Sorry, that's out. I'll get back to you if we can figure anything out."

Stan asked Wendy, "UAM? What's one of them?"

"AUM," she corrected. "Association of Unaffiliated Ministries, I think. A conference for nondenominational clergy or some deal."

"Huh," Stan said. "Kinda a denomination for the nondenominational."

"Look," Mabel said, pushing herself up from the table and taking a deep breath. "One thing we _can _do—we can have a birthday party. I mean, it won't be the same, I know that, but—you know, it's a big birthday, and maybe it'll cheer you both up a little bit. Is that just—am I being selfish Mabel? Is that okay?"

Wendy smiled and looked at Dipper.

He forced a smile. "You're not being selfish. OK. Sure. Let's have a birthday party."

"We'll get right on it," Mabel said. "I'll call Mom and Dad."

"We can use the parlor," Soos said. "I'll run out and score some refreshments and all."

Grunkle Stan looked at his watch and then took out his phone. "OK, sounds like something we can do. I'll call Ford and we'll start a phone tree to send out the invites. Let's shoot for noon. Then I'll see about working something else out, maybe get you two hitched tomorrow. For Wanda's peace of mind if nothin' else, we gotta get it taken care of before you go off for college. Sorry for the delay, but we'll think of something."

"Thanks, Stan," Wendy said. She got up and came over to take Dipper's hand. "You're way tense, Dip. Come on, remember none of this is your fault. Let's go for a walk, OK? Calm down a little?"

"I guess," he said. "Wen, I'm so sorry—"

She put a finger against his lips. "Not. Your. Fault. Come on."

She led him out onto the side lawn. He could hear Billy and Little Soos still laughing out behind the house. "It would have been such a great day to get married," he said. "Warm but not too hot, sunny, one of those days just like the best ones I remember from when I was twelve. I'm so—"

"Don't apologize," Wendy said, hugging him. "It'll be all right. You'll see. Somehow it'll work out."

They walked down the Mystery Trail, slowly, silently. Wendy telepathically told him, _Cheer up a little, dude. Even if we have to wait until tomorrow or some deal, it won't change anything between us._

—_Yeah, I know that. I guess it's just me being me. You know, I make plans, I think I've got it all handled, and then something like this blows it all up. I'm trying not to make a big scene or anything. _

_Don't worry about it. Hey, what about this? Maybe we can scare up Jeff out here and see if we could go through, I don't know, a Gnome marriage ceremony or some deal._

—_I think that involves the couple fighting each other until one of them's knocked unconscious._

_Oh. Didn't know that. OK, so that's out._

—_Well, maybe we should just look on the bright side. Married or not married, we have each other._

_That's enough for me, Dip! Enough for you?_

He stopped, took both her hands in his, pulled her close, and answered her without words.

* * *

They walked a lot farther than they'd planned—so far that Wendy suddenly asked, "Hey, what time is it?"

Dipper took out his phone to check. It was later than he'd supposed, he saw. "Uh—we'd better head straight back if Stan can really throw a party together by noon," he said. "Wow. We've walked almost all the way to Moon Trap Pond."

They hurried, power-walking though not quite running, and when they reached the edge of the lawn, Wendy pointed and said, "Now, this is kinda what I expected."

The parking lot was pretty much full. Dipper recognized some of the vehicles, but not all—he saw Blubs' patrol car, Manly Dan's truck, Pacifica's red sports car, a few other familiar ones.

As they crossed the lawn, Stan came to meet them on the museum porch. "About time," he growled. "We started to think you two musta jumped into the Bottomless Pit. First of all, Dipper, you forgot something important. Second, I gotta tell you, this was my idea, and I set it up, so don't jump Mabel on it. Third—let me remind you of what you forgot." Grinning widely, he held up a framed certificate.

"Oh, dude!" Wendy said. "Shame on you!"

Dipper blinked at the blue-sealed certificate with fancy embossed lettering.

* * *

_Be it Known, under the Authority of the State of Oregon, County of Roadkill, and Municipality of Gravity Falls: That, having satisfied the requirements as established in law, STANLEY FILBRICK PINES is hereby appointed JUSTICE OF THE PEACE with all the rights and powers of the office within the appropriate District, County, and Municipality._

* * *

"_You _set this up?" Dipper asked.

"Want to take a swing at me? You insist, I'll give you a chance—but later," Stan said with a grin. "Right now, come in. Let's get you two married. Then you can have your birthday party and reception. And after that, you still want to do it, let's fight it out!"

"I'm—not mad," Dipper said. "This was kind of a dirty trick, but—"

"But we'd love to have you perform the ceremony," Wendy said. "Enough standing around and talking! Let's do it!"

And they walked into the Mystery Shack and felt as if the whole town had somehow impossibly crowded inside.

* * *

To be continued


	4. Chapter 4

**Yes. Yes, I Do**

**(August 31, 2017)**

* * *

**4: Do You?**

They came inside the Shack to shouts of "There they are!" and "SURPRISE!"

Instantly, Manly Dan hugged Wendy. The man could hug. Once when a grizzly bear had charged him, Dan had hugged it so hard that the relationship threatened to blossom into something serious.

That hug was nothing to the one he gave Wendy. There was a lot of weeping. The flannel of her shirt darkened as her shoulder began to get wet. Finally the big guy let his daughter go, cleared his throat, wiped his eyes, and blew his nose. In a hoarse croak completely unlike his normal, even belligerent, bellow, he whispered, "Your mama would be so happy for you, Baby Girl."

To Dipper's relief, the lumberjack didn't insist on hugging him, but instead enveloped his hand in a catcher's-mitt-sized fist. "Dipper, now, you take real good care of my little girl, hear?"

"Yes, sir. I'll do it or die trying," Dipper promised.

Dan's friendly clap on the shoulder almost buckled Dipper's knees. "Good man!" Ah. There. _There_ was the bellow.

"Come on, let 'em in, make room!" Stan said. "Come with me, you two. You've wasted enough time already!"

The parlor had been decorated—Dipper knew that Mabel had been up to something!—with roses and daisies, even fragrant sprigs of brilliant orange trumpet honeysuckle, a vine that grew wild. White candles with lacy gold bows had been put in the sconces—when did Soos put in the sconces? Everything had been made as tidy and neat as he'd ever seen it—what he _could_ see of it. In the center, the crowd had left an aisle open for the wedding party. The crush of people filled and overfilled the floor, standing rather than sitting—no chairs meant more room. Oh, one exception—up front on the left side of the aisle, Dipper saw Abuelita, also standing, but with a folding chair behind her.

At the back of the room, Stanford came and stood beside Dipper. "I hope I'll be acceptable as your best man," he whispered.

"Yes. Absolutely," Dipper whispered back, feeling relieved. He had debated whether to ask both of his grunkles to stand as co-best man, but crafty Stanley had taken care of that little problem. Well, now he wouldn't have as much to fret about it in the months leading up to the December church service!

He heard piano music—"Somewhere Over the Rainbow," of all tunes—and it seemed to be coming from up front, though with everyone standing up he couldn't see if it was live or, maybe, Soos doing his DJ bit. No, there was Soos, next to Abuelita, towering above everyone else on the bride's side.

"Come on, kid, it's showtime!" Stanley said. Dipper went with him up to the front and saw Robbie and Tambry off to his left, she standing and playing a keyboard, he holding his guitar. Robbie winked at him and gave him a thumbs-up as Tambry finished the intro music. She looked with a warm smile at Robbie, he glanced toward the back of the room and nodded, and then instead of "Here Comes the Bride," they began playing—

Aw.

"I Will Always Believe in Fairy Tales," the love song Dipper had composed for Wendy. In fact, it was the first song he'd ever composed and the only one he was really happy with. The two didn't sing it—thank heavens, the lyrics were personal—and they didn't rock it, but together they played a lovely, slow-tempo instrumental arrangement.

Looking back, Dipper saw Mabel, not in full bridesmaid rig, but wearing a duplicate of her favorite sweater from years ago, the red shooting-star one. Around her head she wore a coronet of yellow daisies, and she held a small bouquet of red roses. With her came Billy Sheaffer, a little pale and a little stiff under the gazes of all those people, holding a pale green satin cushion with two rings resting on it. Grunkle Ford was next. Mabel took Dipper's ring, Ford took Wendy's, and looking relieved, Billy retreated to stand with Mr. and Mrs. Pines on the front row of the groom's side.

Dipper felt dazed. Across from him, Mabel was making little squeaky happy noises and beaming at him. He didn't know how much she'd been involved in the trick that morning, but at that moment, Dipper couldn't be angry at his sister if he tried. Not with her bright-eyed and clutching the roses to her breast and smiling her beautiful, goofy old smile. He remembered when gleaming braces decorated it, but even more he remembered all those good times. And he teared up a little bit when Mabel silently mouthed, "I've always got your back, Bro!"

Then—the crowd had to shuffle to each side—Dan came down the aisle with Wendy on his arm. Though Dipper and Wendy were in casual garb, Dan had dressed up. He'd buttoned the neck of his flannel shirt and wore a clip-on black bow tie. Wendy's coronet, no doubt Mabel's crafty work, was a halo of perfect white daisies, and she carried a bouquet of mixed pink and red roses and white baby's breath, and with her cheeks flushed a little, she looked radiant.

The unusual wedding march ended with some grace notes courtesy of Tambry.

Stanley said, "Welcome, friends, relatives, neighbors, and any curious bystanders who wandered into the most befuddling place on Earth by accident. Stick around, we'll open later. Oh, and you too, Jeff and Shmebulock, yeah, I see you there behind the potted ferns. You're welcome, too. All right, everybody, thanks for being with us. We're here today to celebrate the wedding of Wendy and Dipper. Thank you all for your presence and your friendship. Please join us now in offering your love and support to this union as Wendy and Dipper begin the adventure of their married life, surrounded right now by those who mean the most to them.

"Now, before going further, I'm supposed to ask—does anybody here know of any reason why this man and this woman may not be joined in wedlock? If there is, speak up right now, or forever shut your yap!"

Dan turned around and glowered, sending a searchlight glare over the crowd. Over in the back left corner Tyler Cutebiker briefly fainted, but people had him back on his feet in a few seconds.

Of course, nobody objected to the match.

"Good," Stan said. "Daniel, do you now present your daughter to be wed to Dipper Pines?"

"I do!" he said.

He kissed Wendy on the cheek—she whispered, "I love you, Dad"—and bawling like a baby, he shuffled to his place, where his sons patted his sides, about as high as any of them could reach. Of them all, only Junior had matched and exceeded Wendy's height.

Grunkle Stan said, "Wendy and Dipper, I said marriage is an adventure. You'll find that it truly is. We all hope it's gonna be a long and happy one for you. It's a serious step to take, but it's a beautiful and wonderful step, too. By your commitment to each other today, you're both promising to hold each other for a lifetime in friendship as well as in love. You're promising to live your lives with dedication to each other and patience for each other. You're promising to talk and listen, to meet sorrows with tenderness and joys with laughter. You'll swearing you will always be slow to anger and quick to forgive. You're taking a vow to always not only accept but also value your differences. Main thing, just make sure you love each other truly, deeply, and always. This ceremony don't make a marriage. Only you two can do that. It's going to be something you build together, each and every day of your lives. Understanding all this, do you, Mason Pines—that's his legal name, folks, and it's out at last, but don't anybody use it unless he gives you permission—let me ask: Do you, Mason Dipper Pines, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do," Dipper said. It came out clear and warm and firm, surprising even him. But then, he was holding her hand, and he felt her joy leap straight into him.

"And do you, Wendy Corduroy, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Her green eyes sparkled, and he caught her thought: _Yes! Oh, God, yes! _But aloud, and again with love and assurance, and very clearly, she said, "I do."

Now tears were trickling down Stan's cheeks. "Somethin' in my eye," he muttered. "Allergic to these flowers, I guess. Ahem. If you two kids have anything to say to each other, any vows to make, now's the time. Dipper, you go first."

For a change, he hadn't planned a thing. But he heard himself saying, "Wendy, you're the excitement of a brand-new sunrise. You're the soft gentle wind in the pines, the warm rain of springtime. You're the leaping energy of a whitewater stream and you're the strength of a wild mountain storm, and the peace of a winter's night, the joy in a baby's laugh. I love you with all my heart, and for the rest of our lives, I'll do my best to make you happy."

"Not bad, kid," Stan said. "Wendy?"

She was leaking a few tears herself. "Dipper," she said, "I liked you the very first time I saw you, more than five years ago. The more I got to know you, the more I fell in love. You're funny and smart and brave and kind and wise. I can't live without you. You're the breath in my lungs and the beat of my heart. You've been my best friend and you've become my only love. I want to share every adventure with you, be there for you always, and be the best wife that I can. I'll love you forever and ever. And I'm always so proud of you!"

Stanley cleared his throat. "Beautiful. May I have the rings?" He grimaced slightly and added, "Please?" He coughed "Still hurts. Now, these two rings symbolize those vows you spoke before everybody gathered here. Dipper, place the ring on Wendy's finger. Good. Now repeat after me: With this ring, I take you as my wife, to love, cherish, and honor, for now and forever."

Looking into her emerald eyes, with his heart feeling huge in his chest, Dipper repeated the words.

Stan, his voice breaking a little, said, "Now, Wendy, you place this ring on Dipper's finger. Repeat after me. With this ring, I take you as my husband, to love, cherish, and honor, for now and forever."

Wendy did, though she changed it a little: ". . . forever and ever," she said.

By that time Grunkle Stan barely held it together. "With the vows you've made, the rings you've exchanged, and the love you hold for each other, by the power vested in me by the State of Oregon, by the county, and by the city, as Justice of the Peace, I pronounce you husband and wife. Quick, now, kiss each other!"

Oh, that was a great kiss. A beautiful kiss. It was so magical that for that moment, everyone in the room held their breath. Nothing spoiled it, not even the foghorn of Stan's blowing his nose. He had just managed the last bit before completely giving in to sobs. However, when the kiss ended, Stan, gulping and gasping, stuck to it manfully and finally got the last bit out: "Ladies and gents, I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Pines!"

Robbie and Tambry struck up a somewhat metal version of Mendelssohn's "Wedding March" from _A_ _Midsummer Night's Dream. _Titania and Oberon and Puck—fairies, Dipper thought fleetingly. Why did it have to be fairies?

But at the moment, the fairies were only the imaginings of Bill Shakespeare, and they didn't matter. To that tune, and to laughter and congratulations and a few scattered sounds of happy weeping, Wendy and Dipper hurried down the aisle, up the stairs, and into the attic room.

Where they closed the door and locked it.

And Dipper, holding her left hand, looked at the thin silver band. "I bought you a better ring," he said. This was the one he'd had made from a silver coin when they were way back in time and had to pretend to be married—well, that's another story, never mind.

She grabbed the back of his head, kissed him, and then with her forehead resting against his, said warmly, "You dummy. There _is _no better ring!"

Someone pounded on the door. "Hey, you two, not yet!"

Mabel. Great.

She didn't let up on the pounding. "You gotta come down for the birthday party and official reception and banquet on the lawn! Do that, and I promise that after it's over, you can drive to the college house and be all alone together and show each other eerything you got!"

"Gonna be worth waiting for," Wendy whispered.

"It _better_ be, after all this time!" Mabel yelled.

"She's got ears like a jackrabbit," Dipper murmured in Wendy's ear.

"Do not! They're like two beautiful pink seashells. Don't make me pick this lock! Come on, come on, get dressed and downstairs!"

Dipper unlocked and opened the door.

Mabel said, "Huh, it's been twenty seconds and you're still dressed? What's wrong with you two? Anyway, get your butts downstairs. Wendy, you still gotta toss your bouquet. Behind and to your left, distance about ten feet, and get a little loft on it! Remember, to your _left_!"

So the adventure wasn't over yet. Not yet.

Hand in hand, they headed downstairs for the rest of it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Yes. Yes, I Do**

**(August 31, 2017)**

* * *

**5: Honeymoon Highway**

Really, the party and the banquet didn't take all _that _long. Wendy and Dipper came downstairs, went out front, and Wendy tossed the bouquet, as Mabel had directed, over her left shoulder and with a bit of altitude, aiming for an imaginary spot ten feet away from her.

And the play is on! Pacifica Northwest, attired in lake-foam green, is off to a quick start! At the seven weddings she's attended, Pacifica is a 2 for seven receiver. She looks in great form, but wait! Mabel Pines has moved in with a diagonal run and stiff-arms Pacifica. Candy Chiu has dropped to all fours, and Mabel steps onto her back and launches herself at an angle, but she may be too late to intercept! She and Candy are quite a team, right, Chuck?

Well, that's correct, W.E. At the Grendinator/von Fundhauser nuptials, Candy and Mabel pulled off a perfect crash-and-dash maneuver for a spectacular catch.

Hate to interrupt, Chuck, but did you see that? Mabel Pines just executed an incredible mid-air cartwheel, catching that bouquet when she was completely upside-down! The crowd is going wild! Nobody's ever seen a bouquet catch like this!

No, W.E., that was spectacular. I'd say it was the most unusual bouquet catch since the wedding season of 1973, when Toodie Burkminer of Mobile, Alabama, did a sky dive from a helicopter and made a similar mid-air acquisition! Of course—and now Mabel's doing her victory dance—and she spikes the bouquet!—of course, after Toodie caught her bouquet, as you know, the death toll was appalling.

True, Chuck. True. She should have used a parachute.

In reality, there was no commentator and color man, but if there had been, they would have sounded a lot like that. And then everyone gave them congratulations, and—Dipper and Wendy definitely had not planned this—wedding gifts, a ton of them, plus birthday presents. They completely filled the trunk and the backseat of the Green Machine. And food, so much food!

The party was a huge success. Stanley had an audience for some card tricks (he won about forty bucks) and some sleight of hand (although he returned the wallets, cash intact, with little lectures about how to foil most pickpockets, except for one, maybe. Shyly, Billy Sheaffer gave them a present inexpertly wrapped and asked them not to open it until they got to their house.

Wendy and Mabel hugged him and told him to try to come back to Gravity Falls at Thanksgiving—his family was welcome—or if not that, for part of the Christmas holidays.

Then Billy and Alex and Wanda had to leave for the long, long drive back to Piedmont. Mr. and Mrs. Pines hugged the _new _Mr. and Mrs. Pines, made them promise to call if they needed anything at all, and finally, reluctantly, drove away. Grunkle Ford and Grunkle Stan kissed the bride, as did a few other guys. Even Ronnie Nabel, who once had been confined to Pool Jail when Wendy was lifeguarding, gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Soos looked as if he was the father of the bride, walking around with his chest out and a smile so big you might have thought it met itself on the back of his neck. Manly Dan celebrated in his own way, taking on all comers at arm-wrestling and winning every bout.

When they could manage it, Dipper and Wendy said quiet goodbyes to Grunkles and Graunties and got ready to slip away. They wore the same clothes they had been married in, but Dipper had put on his pine-tree cap and Wendy her trapper's hat. Once they were out of sight, though, over on the Museum side of the Shack, out of sight of the crowd, Wendy threw herself into Dipper's arms for a passionate kiss, and both their hats flew off.

"Wow!" Dipper said.

Wendy retrieved both hats, but she clapped Dipper's cap on her own head and handed him her ushanka. "Trade you back tomorrow morning when we get up and get dressed," he said.

"If we do," she said.

They opened the doors of the Dodge Dart—Wendy was taking the first driving shift—and Mabel popped up. "Surprise!"

"You're not going," Dipper said.

She climbed out, giggling. "No, I'm not! But I wanted to tell you, I put a basket in the back seat. You guys probably won't want to unpack all the gifts and stuff until tomorrow morning or tomorrow evening, or whenever wink-wink, but the basket's got enough food to last you for dinner tonight and probably at least lunch tomorrow. There's a little food in one of those cooler packs, so be sure to refrigerate that" She hugged Wendy. "It was a beautiful wedding, Wendy! Thanks for letting me be bridesmaid!" And then she hugged Dipper. "Brobro, don't worry about a thing. For the next four days, promise me you'll just be happy. That's your assignment."

"That's a promise. Mabel—thanks for—for—" he hugged her and then finished: "For being you, Mabel!"

"Aw! Don't let go yet, Brobro. One thing left."

Pat. Pat.

And then, at last, they were on the road. They stopped at the bottom of the driveway to untie and remove two strings of empty cans and old shoes from the bumper. They left the decorations piled neatly near the mailbox so Soos could dispose of them, but they left the soaped "JUST MARRIED" sign on the rear window.

To their surprise, Deputy Durland stood at the first traffic light and stopped traffic—one pickup truck and one old VW Beetle—to let them cross against the light. At the second and last traffic light they had to pass, Sheriff Blubs gave them a siren-blaring escort up to the gateway out of the Valley. Then, attempting a U-turn, he got the patrol car stuck in a ditch, but he often did that and took it in stride, waving them on their way.

They made the turn south on the highway and Dipper said, "I love you, Mrs. Wendy Corduroy-Pines."

"Back at you, Mr. Dipper Pines. Wait, we never talked about hyphenating. You really want to do that?"

"Whatever you want," Dipper said. "I think it would be cool. But even if you'd rather not, I wish you'd use your last name whenever. Like at college. Because you're always gonna be a flippin' Corduroy!"

"Sweet thought. I'll consider it."

Startled three or four times by cars behind them that honked—but they figured out, the drivers were honking at the just-married sign, not at their driving—Wendy and Dipper traded driving responsibilities once, halfway there. Dipper was at the wheel when they crossed the state line into California and were only forty-odd miles from their new home.

And when they came in sight of the house—Aww. Again. A big banner hung over the front door: CONGRATULATIONS WENDY AND DIPPER, JUST MARRIED. And pink and blue helium balloons, a big bunch of them, decorated the mailbox. Impressive, but since their house was the last one before the road went into a forest preserve, the only one likely to see the display was the mailman, or perhaps a fisherman or two on the way to the lake at the northern end of the road.

They pulled into the garage, and Dipper parked beside his own car. Wendy took the picnic basket—true to Mabel's promise, it was a heavy one—and they went around to the front door. You don't start a honeymoon by ducking in the side.

Dipper unlocked the front door, Wendy set the basket down temporarily, and then—laughing, she picked him up. "Hey!" he said. "This isn't traditional!"

"Neither are we!" she said, and she carried him across the threshold. She set him down and said, "Quick, turn off the security system and I'll get the basket inside."

He did, noting that someone—Mabel and Stan, surely—had been there before them. Vases of roses and daisies stood everywhere, and on the mantel a decorative Southwestern-motif bowl held overflowing strands of honeysuckle. The whole room smelled sweet. Wendy quickly went through the basket and opened the fridge to store a couple of veggie plates that had been in the cooling pack. "Dipper! Come and look!" she said.

Mabel and Stan had stocked the fridge. Milk, cream butter, eggs, bacon—all the normal refrigerator stuff. And a couple of big, thick steaks with a Post-It note: BETTER GRILL THESE TOMORROW!

And the cabinets held stores of canned goods—including two cans of BROWN MEAT, just in case of a localized apocalypse, Dipper supposed. They were set. They wouldn't even have to go shopping.

"Did you notice the trail?" Dipper asked Wendy.

Rose petals. The line led to the sliding glass door.

"Hey, look!" Wendy said. On one side, the bottom half of the glass had been removed and a steel plate had replaced it—one with a doggy door, though the latches looked heavy enough to keep out a bear. And on the deck, the pink petals led to the hot tub, which had been turned on.

Dipper lifted the insulated cover. "Smells like chlorine."

"Leave the cover off so it'll clear up. We'll try it out later. Right now—"

Their bedroom door had been locked, but the house key worked on it. "Huh," Dipper said. "Bottle of champagne beside the bed—in some kind of cooling thingy."

"A McGucket fridge-a-ma-jig, bet you anything!" Wendy said.

"And the bed's been turned down," Dipper said. "And the pillows and sheets sprinkled with more rose petals. Um—peppermints on the pillows, too."

"Mm, sounds like an invitation to me," Wendy said. "Your turn, Dip! Carry your bride over the bedroom threshold!"

"Can't wait," he said.

"Just one little second. Seriously, I don't want you to hurt your back, man. You're gonna need it. Let me lighten up your load."

So, OK, a pine-tree cap, boots and socks, jeans, shirt, undershirt, panties and bra might not weigh very much. But every little bit helps.

Dipper scooped up his beautiful, long-legged bride, carried her into the bedroom, and with a foot quietly closed the door behind him.

Let's not open it.

Let's just leave them together and as happy as they could ever hope to be.

Congratulations, you two.

Sh.

We'll check in with you a little later, OK?

_Shhh!_

OK.

* * *

The End


End file.
